Saturday, March 24, 2018

A short update: I really should probably start updating this thing more

A big apology to the few that liked reading my books and funny tales about DnD adventures. Unfortunately, life got in the way, I got sick, I built a new computer, Kingdom Come: Deliverance came out....it's been a busy few months. I just haven't had the motivation to much more than play tabletop RPGs, and this was compounded by the fact that our constantly falling dollar means I won't be attending Gen Con Indy this year, because I just can't justify the cost. I hope next year....or the year after.

Other factors pushed me away, a bit. There's a lot of drama in the RPG community, especially the OSR, and I similarly got tired of running into Trump supporting weirdos who liked to explain to me why The Last Jedi was a singular attack on the institutions of masculinity or whiteness or whatever. And no, it wasn't better when left wingers did the same. Shut the fuck up about Star Wars already, Christ. It's everywhere and won't go away.  That's my general opinion on it.

Been reading a lot. I hope to actually finish 52 books this year, and I'm currently writing up a review for Final Fantasy XV: Windows Edition for RPG Codex. Hopefully that works out.

More content is a-coming soon.

- The Dice Must Roll

Friday, January 12, 2018

Factions my players have managed to piss off since November:

Factions and important people my players have pissed off:
The Dukes of Hell
The Vornheim City Watch
The Spider Gang(Deceased)
Ningauble of the Seven Eyes
Thieves Guild of Vornheim
Saspasia, City Father of Vornheim
The House of Barlo

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Update: I did not die.

Hello, good friends! I do apologize for going "dark" these last few weeks. Be assured that more play reports are coming, but they will be coming in bigger pieces and have more detail. We're all on the DCC now. It's been going great, but I have been nicer than necessary. Lots of things in the workings, including the channel which will finally have some content in it. I hope all of you enjoy the 2018 future of the Dice Must Roll!

Monday, November 6, 2017

NaCaCrMo II: The Lockbards



For Eastmount campaigns, one of the most important things to provide the party with is a small political situation they can ignore, make worse, resolve or "win" by murdering both sides.

Before we go too far, it's important to hit one point here: Dungeon Crawl Classics is not the system you want to use for political intrigue, so what's presented is meant to be very simple and provide PCs with easy options.

Rules of Thumb for DCC Political Intrigue

DCC is a system designed for adventure, and the majority of political favors should involve quick, bombastic forays into unknown places. Going to a masquerade ball and talking to people is boring. Going to a magical masquerade ball which involves shape-shifting the PCs into various monsters is more interesting. How do wizards party? Maybe the party goes wrong. Maybe the guests are shunted into various realms, or maybe they're trapped in Elfland and need a timely rescue from the Party That Never Ends. Take your regular intrigue locations, which are things like, towers late at night, prisons that hold political and important prisoners, parties, courts, weddings, funerals...any social situation you can imagine happening among nobility, really and make them more interesting. A bunch of nobles standing around whispering to each other....less interesting. Players can earn favors and prestige in the two Courts by doing adventures for them. You're burying a long time friend of the family, surprise, they're going to try being a lich. You're at a feast, suddenly the guests have shrunk down to food size and your "dungeon" is the table, the walls the sweets and pies and cakes and meats that you were going to eat...and that's when the brownies(not the food, the little goblin things) attack!

Players aren't great, in my opinion, of knowing when people are lying unless it's obviously telegraphed. If a cleric seems like a pious and virtuous cleric of Emir, then you're going to need to find the torture dungeon and a written confession for the players to catch on. I think it's just a thing in media, people were utterly shocked and surprised when Cersei...did not do the honorable thing and leave town just because Ned told her to, were even more surprised when Littlefinger betrayed Ned etc. Sometimes this can lead people to feeling cheated, or maybe that the DM is actively trying to fuck with them instead of creating a fun RPG adventure. So generally, keep all of your information true, and keep character personalities distinct.

Untrustworthy characters should present their non-trustworthiness at all times. They should be unlikable, treat the party with disdain and insults(be careful) and usually untouchable because the fallout for killing them should be ample. Lord Barfbag is practically a traitor, but until you can prove he's a traitor then he's not going anywhere, because he has the most Knights that the baron needs to keep his lands safe. Trustworthy characters should be honorable, likable and generally in difficult situations.

The characters you intend to have the party help or work with should be down on their luck at the moment. Count Lionheart isn't going to need your help if he has incredibly thick coffers brimming with gold, an army of loyal knights and two court mages who will instantly resurrect him if he dies. Give that to his foes, and give him one aged(elder!) Knight, average amounts of money and a mine that has recently been abandoned due to sabotage, and you've got a character the party can help.

If the party wants to help the "bad guys", that's fine, don't panic. Just telegraph it in different ways. If they really want to kill Count Lionheart so Lord Barfbag can extend his fief, make sure you telegraph it to the party as clear as day that this person is a traitor and will likely fuck them over as soon as possible. If they still go through with it, then allow them to, but if they ask you why, oh why they're being arrested and Lord Barfbag is feigning a lack of knowledge of their activities and orders, then make sure you made it clear that this was guaranteed to happen. If Littlefinger tells Player Character to totally run up to Joffrey and stab him to death in front of hundreds of witnesses, and he does it, then he shouldn't be surprised after being warned by Varys, Littlefinger, Maester Pycelle, Jaime, Littlefinger, and Littlefinger that Littlefinger would absolutely fuck him over for it.

Well, enough of that, onto the two factions!

The Lockbards

The Lockbards are a family of people that are unusually adept in the magical arts. They like to have themselves referred to as a family of wizards, but that's not true.

Lockbard Lands

Lockbard lands are generally much safer than Barlo lands, with encounters happening in the wilderness in their borders only on a six, and never in their home city or any of the villages. Lockbard villages are all overseen by a single wizard hoping to be allowed into the family's "inner circle" and be allowed to investigate the magical fonts the family has managed to locate. To that end, much of the family's military and policing forces are made of magical constructs, summoned and bonded demons, and reanimated undead. When entering a Lockbard village, roll on the following table to determine how the peace is kept:

Peacekeeping Actions:
1. Calming and mystical music soothes those who feel aggression. All PCs and NPCs get +2 to attempts to charm, barter, counter-barter, or any kind of positive social activity, but take -5 to any attack rolls, attempts to threaten or otherwise verbally or physically harm another living person. Village wizard is a lazy bardic type, more interested in his lyre than his job.
2. The Dead Walk...and they pick up trash, deliver your mail, lay down stone for nicer roads, the works. Causing a ruckus causes 1d30 (1)skeletons/(2)zombies/(3)revenants to appear and attempt to subdue the party. Village wizard is a gaunt, pale man who reeks of the grave and is constantly in a state of irritation at being distracted from his important work. May simply be trying to raise an undead army without suspicion.
3. The Really Big Guy. There is a man who has been chosen to serve as the village's sheriff. He's been grown to Giant size, and has gained hit dice to compensate. His only action is to promptly pick up PCs and throw them as high as he can in the air, causing 10d6 fall damage in two combat rounds if the PC has no option to slow his descent.(If they're not wearing heavy armor and they describe flattening themselves out, make it 9d6. For effort.)
4. Golems. Large constructs made of (1) Metal (2) Wood (3) Earth (4) Flesh. Depending on what type, the Village wizard is either a muscle wizard blacksmith type, a dabbler in druid arts, a mole-person, or an exceptionally terrifying person that refuses to explain where he got the flesh for the golems from.
5. Bound demons. Devils, imps, etc are constantly flitting around, in ashamed supplication. They will constantly be promising riches and wealth if only they could be freed, and will wreak havoc on the players if actually done so by removing their slave collars. Wizard is a demonologist who takes them far less seriously than he should.


The Lockbards only have one major city, and it's known as Lockbard Towers. That's because the entire family lives inside of a small hex and they all have their own magically constructed towers that they live in relative enjoyment with.

The Fonts of Power

There are four fonts of power in the Lockbard lands that give the Lockbards their magical prowess. Some of these are either historical sites of grave and divine importance, others are just magical mutations of plants that make a potion master hyperventilate once they realize the value of these.
All four of these locations, for hexcrawling purposes, are assumed to be hidden in a small glade. It is simply not possible to find these or make it past the ample sentries the Lockbards put up without their explicit permission, unless the party is so powerful that nothing can keep them away.  Besides the obvious value these locations provide, they also are God-Blind, meaning patrons, gods, and others will not be able to see and have opinions on the PC's activity.
 These are keyed in the map location, but a quick overview of them is thus:

1. The God Grave.
Long ago, a god seems to have died and been buried here. The grave site itself is a rather simple mausoleum, but the body inside seems to have some kind of magical or divine purpose. The Church has not investigated the "god" and his body yet, but the Lockbards have found that the blood of the god still flows freshly and heals wounds, and the hair can be strung into bowstrings that fire arrows that shatter armor, and more.

2. The Shifting Crystals.
There seems to be an odd configuration of crystals that constantly move and change shape to something else. These crystals provide a powerful amount of bonuses to spell casting if chipped off of the larger structures, but timing must be observed, the crystals shift every 7 minutes on the dot. If the crystals shift so that they're impaling you, you will be absorbed into the structure. If the crystals shift so that they're completely engulfing you, then you must make a DC 20 fort save or promptly expire. Surviving means your mind is opened to a new realm of possibilities, and you can choose to instantly learn a spell of the Judge's choosing, but if attempted more than once a month, the DC goes up by five each time.

3. The Mushroom Field
It's a small place, less than a quarter of a mile long, but there are thousands of mushrooms of various shapes and sizes. While not good for edible adventuring, the mushrooms are innately valuable, and can be used as materials for godly sacrifices or crafting magical artifacts and potions. These typically kill everyone that tries to eat them, but throwing them at people can usually have some fun effects!

4. Teaching wall
Inside a cave, there is a large wall that lights up with what seems like a large human face. It talks to anyone who enters, trading knowledge of spells and ancient, lost information in exchange for information on the outside world. It is bored easily, and gets very angry if its repeatedly fed wrong information or the same information.


Lockbard Riches
The Lockbards are not wealthy in terms of gold, killing and looting all of the family would only yield around 1400 gold pieces. Their wealth comes from their crafty nature as adventurers seeking magical knowledge and artifacts.

Lockbard Family Members

Genevieve Lockbard
Genevieve is the current family matriarch. She's quite young for the role, but already a highly skilled sorceress at age 19. It was her that managed to make the family as powerful in influence as they are now, and that is due to her uncanny ability to locate the current magical fonts that bring the family lands.

What her family doesn't know is that Genevieve is actually getting all of her knowledge not from proper observation and study of planetary bodies as she claims, but she has made a pact with a dark god of Chaos - one of the Yemani, Duvan.


Kasric Lockbard
Kasric is not a wizard. He is the oldest Lockbard, uncle to Genevieve and the rightful heir to the fief and family title, but his lack of magical prowess has made him something of an outcast - there wasn't even discussion about who would inherit the land and title. Oddly enough, this has not made him either bitter or resentful, as Kasric has spent most of his mundane life trying to keep his Brother's experiment side effects from wreaking too much havoc to want anything to do with running a family of wizards.


Simon and Samuel Lockbard

Simon and Samuel are the youngest of the Lockbards, younger cousins to Genevieve and deeply resentful of her magical prowess, her wealth, her title, and everything else that comes with it. They are accomplished wizards in their own right, but they lack ambition, merely content to make themselves wealthy and live the life of playboy nobles. That being said, they scheme and sharpen daggers in the dark and listen to whispers from strange creatures that promise them many things.

Lockbards on the Barlos:

When the campaign begins, the Lockbards are currently unhappy with the Barlos on the outside. The Barlo Patriarch offered his son in exchange for a chance to join the houses. A unified Lockbard/Barlo Family might even be able to stand up to Vornheim, maybe establish their own Kingdom and to hell with the Empire, and Genevieve had met them a few times. Two of his three boys are strapping, muscular, red-haired lads with combat skill and social graces. She agreed to the terms of the marriage, as they weren't too terrible. Then, she met her husband to be. The Baron sent his youngest son - a club-footed, halfwit that couldn't speak. This enraged Genevieve, and only further when the Baron insulted her and her family for breaking the agreement. While the family seems united, Kasric has absolutely no interest in the situation, having seen far more insulting actions in his long life as a noble, and the twins are secretly delighted to see their dear cousin slighted so.

Friday, November 3, 2017

NaCaCrMo I: The Eastmount: General Overview

The Eastmount is perhaps the most horribly named region of the entire world. While great conquerors and explorers typically named areas they discovered after themselves, it was discovered by so many people at the same time that various disputes arose and finally, it was simply called "The Eastmount" as in, "the land east of the mountains."

Sometimes we all have to make compromises.

The Eastmount is mountain locked, and as such there is a single entrance via land that people have discovered thus far. This entryway was created by a powerful sorceress part of a group of powerful spellcasters known only as The City Fathers, powerful sorcerer-kings whose confusing benevolence and suspicious lack of interest in the outside world has made them an oddity that the kingdoms of the world have often ignored, looked at with disdain or jealousy, or prodded with an army or two.

Vornheim, City of Magic

Saspasia is the City Father of Vornheim, a massive city that has been created with the purpose of providing a safe trading hub for the settlement of the Eastmount. It's a foothold in the land, and many people note that Saspasia is uncharacteristically helpful to the various kingdoms, companies and explorers that simply want to pass through and onto the wilderness. Some suspect that the wildness and insanity of the lands outside of Vornheim are part of Saspasia's plan, because many have chosen to forsake oaths of loyalty to barons, counts, dukes and kings and live the safe and comfortable life under the generally absent thumb of the City Fathers. Still, many explorers only make a brief stop in Vornheim before heading into the Eastmount Proper.

Settled Lands

The Eastmount has two noble families that have managed to create stable, viable settlements in the region: The Barlos and the Lockbards. While these two families are a part of the Imperial system, they are not on good terms.

The Lockbards
The Lockbards to the north are a primarily female-run house, and their success has mostly come from making a large amount of discoveries of magical fonts of energy, drawing the attention and interest of mages the world over. The Lockbards keep such locations highly secret and curry for favor among the magical community, and it's no surprise that in Lockbard lands people will usually have a town wizard or magic-user who seeks to improve the life and livelihood of the people around them for access to the family's knowledge of locations where they can truly begin their studies.

The Barlos
The Barlo clan is very much the opposite in fortune. While the Empire needs magical abilities, it runs on Gold, and the Barlo clan has discovered such rich veins of gold that the Family easily competes with the Lockbards for fame and prestige at the court back home. While the people aren't living as safe a life as they do under the Lockbards, and have no real familiarity with magic, fearing magic users, they love how wealthy they can be. Businesses make great money, whores have gold spilling out of their dresses, and just about anyone looking to make serious money can go there.

Unsettled Lands

Beyond the tiny fiefdoms of the Lockbards and the Barlos, there is a vast swathe of land out there. Rivers abound in the Eastmount, and many monsters are rumored to have made their homes. The remnants of a large amount of monster kingdoms still poke around ruins, wondering why the statues look like them. Here's a list of rumored locations that PCs will hear about on the fly.

Fissures: They say there's a few places in the Eastmount where the ground itself has cracked open, and there are peoples and stranger things living underneath the ground. Don't believe it myself, though!
Dwarf Colony: Two hundred years ago, a clan of Dwarves left their people to find a new home. They disappeared and were considered lost until very recently, but the Dwarves are secretive and suspiscious of outsiders, and any attempts to find the Dwarf's home has ended with lost expeditions. They say it's by the sea. Isn't that odd?
Robber Barons: Oh its not all about the Lockbards and Barlos, you know. Not everyone makes a successful land, and there are many noble families out there in the wilds that lost most of their subjects, fell into destitution or turned to banditry to survive. I've heard that Artur Barlo would pay a great deal of money to have these bastards hanging from a tree.
Rogue Wizards: Ah, for every good mage there's a hundred bad ones. Some play the Lockbard game, but others venture into the wilderness and aren't ever seen again. Some say they found their own magical places, places the Lockbards don't even know about. Me, I personally think they died.
Adventuring Parties: Oh you'll be heading out to adventuring? I hear there's good money in that, but the competition is fierce. There's a group known as the Black Blades who love to kill other adventuring parties and loot them. I guess that means they're bandits, who knows?
Old Yemani Temples: The beasts here, they worshiped the devils, eh? I wouldn't go looking for those, but I hear they contain statues which contain enormous power. Also, everyone who's ever claimed to have one has promptly died within the week, so, stay away.
----------------------------------------------------------
So there's some rumors, and a brief overview of the political situation. I'll dive into that soon, but for now, here's a map of the region(rough, rough, rough draft):




We have a couple major rivers, a lake, a massive forest, a swamp, and you'll see, relatively tiny Barlo and Lockbard camps. The purpose of Vornheim is that it's so big you can get anything you need there. Need special healing? Need to consult an oracle? Go there. Barlo is where players will go for more of the "sword" adventures, while Lockbard lands are where players will find the "sorcery" adventures. That doesn't mean there won't be magical shenanigans in Barlo lands, or plenty of brutes to slash at with your swords in Lockbard lands, but magic-user heavy parties will want to go north, while martial-heavy parties will want to go south. First. Later on, you'll want to go everywhere!

DESIGN GOALS for this project:

1. Do not forget the 'style' of a DCC campaign. I want to create a hex-crawl with situations one would see in the art in the corebook of DCC RPG. Some specific examples include pages 21, 36, 73, 97 and there's this whole image I can't find the location of for DCC which involves this awesome looking man with crab claws for arms walking across a drawbridge.
2. Keep the "Big Picture" generally out of sight. The world does have a cosmology. It has twelve Chaos gods, some of which are interested in being a patron. Others are not. There is a god of Law. I don't plan to make it all about the Gods, I want minor patrons.
3. Make Hexcrawling fun with DCC, a game system that is heavily geared to not using hexcrawling because hexcrawling is more fiddly than the linear, fast-paced, loose with rules style of DCC.
4. Make interesting and unique classes that work specifically with the story.
5. Produce a lore-orienting funnel adventure.

Thursday, November 2, 2017

National Campaign Setting Writing Month

It's November 2nd, and I'm highly intrigued by this post over on this blog which talks about running November as the month to, instead of writing a novel, to write a campaign setting and flesh it out for use in Dungeon Crawl Classics.

What a terrifying plan. I must do it.

What to flesh out?

Well, until November is over, I'm going to attempt to:

1. Complete a large country-sized region of the preferred play area. That's one Hex map, according to ACKS rules.
2. Fully key the map with cities, notes on each city, and give each region a unique encounter table.
3. Finish the Cosmology of the pantheon of 12 Chaos Gods, the Yemani and the God Emir, and give them more detail for players to peruse when they need.
4. Come up 10 campaign classes that fit the DCC RPG ruleset.
5. Come up with better names reflecting nobles of the Grand Empire of my setting. (Replacements for the barons and counts of the basic ACKS setting)
6. Write around 25 monster lairs.
7. Roll into existence three different Veins of the Earth crawls, each with about 15 cave systems.

Shouldn't be too hard!

Or I'm a fool and a madman and they'll find me crying, half mad with lust and rage in about four days. What a time!

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

ACKS 6b and 7: Death Frost Mountain(Redacted, Mostly)

The Current Party:
Leeroy, Dwarven Craftpriest, interested in plumbing old tombs to gather himself funds to start his own practice. Currently with a noble court position in the court of Artur Barlo, Baron of the Eastmount.
Tiglari, human fighter. Unfortunately named from a Dungeon Crawl Classics naming table, Tiglari seeks gold and riches to form his own mercenary company. Maybe one day he can get back at the company that told him he was no longer needed. Dick and balls were chewed off by a dire wolf. Ouch.
Rynn, human priestess of Emir. Unknown currently, Rynn is one of the few women who have managed to prove that women can in fact, feel the grace of Emir, and steadfastedly believes that Emir's name was in fact, Ymir, and she was an Elven woman.
Boccob: An Elven fighter-mage who seeks adventure in a place openly hostile to Elves.
Vathek: An anti-Paladin who cares little for Emir or Ymir or whatever. Wishes to get more gold to further his plans. Potentially evil, but highly helpful.
Maggs: Lady assassin. Dropped in her very first battle, but survived with some cool scars.
Masala: A barbarian who struck up an unlikely friendship with a bard.
Kasric: A bard who wants to learn the best songs and tell the tallest tales. Also money. By god, he needs money.


Onto Death Frost Mountain

The party wanted more adventure. More battle, more gold and such. They'd already been tipped off about Death Frost Mountain. It was a bad place, twelve clerics, etc etc etc. They also had heard of a Tome of Wonderous Pow'r and debated seeking instead the book. 

But they finally relented onto the path up Death Frost Mountain.

The path was creepy and long, and the party was a little worried that it took 20 hours to get up the mountain, especially with the DM rolling every time an hour passed. Twenty encounter checks(no actual encounters are here, its meant to creep you out).

Eventually the party encountered Zeke and his cabin. I went with Zak S's interpretation, a man with skin stretched tightly over his face. The party instantly assumed he was a shapechanger or a skinwalker, so that just goes to show that when you use certain descriptive terms like "his skin looks like it's been tightly pulled over his face" that doesn't mean a creepy looking dude, it means they're a skinwalker. They asked a few questions here and there. What are you doing here, what's in the mountain.

The party was fine, though, to ignore his warnings about not climbing the mountain("you're going to die!") and left him there. Zeke briefly pondered attacking them, but the party consisted of an assassin, a bard, a paladin in plate mail, a barbarian and an elf with a mangled, uselessly dangling hand.

Perhaps it would be better to let this one slide.

Through the Graveyard

The party put little effort into searching the graveyard, ignored the tree, and discovered only the corpse and the well. The well was played with, but sadly, nobody drank from the thing. Instead, they took the corpse and threw it into the well. Kersplash, but alas, nothing happens when you do that, so the party shrugged and then they were off into the cabin.

The Cabin

The Barbarian Masala was intelligent enough to inspect the door, and the Bard, in an act of pointless metagaming, made one of his known languages that of the Duvan'Ku. I mostly went along with this, having made "Duvan" one of the evil chaos gods in my campaign's pantheon. The bard was Tiglari's player, so naturally he knew from Tiglari's side adventure that Duvan's cult was up here, and that all of the Yemani had their own secret language. Sure, dude. Whatever.

So they knew the cabin was warded like a fortress, but all of the enchantments were gone. And yes, they knew of the clerics and paladins that purged the evil from this awful place, but who cares? Malasa looked at the door, and noticed that it was on no hinges, more propped up on the door. He carefully slide it to the side, and when the party was inside, he put it onto its side, so it would make a makeshift little barrier.

Then they started to hear creepy harpsichord music. It was at this point, Kasric, being somewhat skittish, desperately wanted to leave. The party told him to shut up and stay put. If he wanted gold, power, and fame, he had to put up with creepy shit.

So I don't want to give a lot of it away, because it's an EXCELLENT module, and if you want the finer details, you'll need to buy it. But the party found a bag of purple lotus dust and finally, entered the harpsichord room.

When looking at the room, the harpsichord stopped playing, when looking away, it started again. Masala don't like no spooky shit, so he promptly smashed it to pieces.

A loud CLANK CLANK GLONK later, and the DM rolling pretend encounter rolls and nervously checking to see how many spare sheets he had, and the party decided to take a trap door down...down...into the dungeon.

DM Note: There's a handful of instances where the DM is meant to pretend that shit is much more dangerous and terrifying than previously noted. Some DMs have, for example, reported players just saying "yeah fuck this shit" and promptly leaving. This is the smart option. The point of Death Frost Doom, and what makes it so brilliant, is that it sort of fiddles with the trope that "an evil shrine, abandoned to time" should not just have....a shitload of gold and monsters to kill that are balanced to your level. Fuck that. You push the button, the nuke blows up, Wanderer.

Anyway, the first room of the dungeon is a creepy hallway of agonized looking faces on the walls, floor and roof. Oh no. The party entered the next room and started the clock.

Dm Note: In the module, the clock is 12 skulls that start to melt and fall off hanging hooks as soon as the party enters the cathedral. 

The party noted that one of the skulls was melting, and then began to fuck around. Masala played the organ and got the magic items. Vathek, however, took the dagger and necklace, failing a save against magic and becoming cursed to forever make 5e-style disadvantage rolls.

A skull fell and shattered. The party noticed this, said "well, that's some shit." and continued to fuck around. Except for the Bard, who promptly tried to leave, was subdued and handcuffed to the bard. So for anyone who knows the module, please understand you need to picture a bard shrieking at the top of his lungs handcuffed to a barbarian. Wahoo!

Skipping Ahead...

Tiglari found himself at the base of Death Frost Mountain while the party enjoyed many of the zany traps and let skull after skull fall to the ground and shatter. I could go into more detail, but I really want you to buy the module, and discover it's joys for yourself.

Anyway - Tiglari enters. Tiglari has made a big mistake. See, he recently did a thing, got into a mirror magic, and now he has to sabotage the party. I'm not telling him yet.

He storms into the party's presence just as the final skull falls...and nothing happens. Very scary! The party decides to move past the tooth door, and manages to find...the sacred parasite.

Tiglari charges forth and starts trying to kill it. The rest of the party decides that this sure is a great idea, and joins them. They do so with little resistance.

DM's note: I actually love the sacred parasite, it really feels like a dark souls boss.

Not a good one. A gimmick one. Like the Deacons of the Deep. But I like those.

The ten thousand undead that are buried in the top of Death Frost Mountain immediately awaken and start clawing their way up. Tiglari does not notice this, but reads the inscription on the base of the altar the Parasite was guarding. He then fails his save, and so does Maggs. So he tears her heart out while she willingly tears her shirt off on the altar.

Sorry, Maggs.

So Vathek is a little confused. And angry. He just watched the guy that betrayed them MURDER his little assassin friend.

New objective: Kill Tiglari.

Vathek chases Tiglari through the complex but fails the saves needed to make it, while Tiglari skedaddles, telling me he "rides his shield all of the way down the mountain like link in that new zelda game, on his shield" while shouting "fuck you, Vathek!" He manages to make seventeen paralysis saves in a row, so the DM concedes that he is able to snowboard down the massive mountain without falling or being torn apart by zombies.

The party, not dealing with undead yet, decide to see what the sacrifice unlocked, and come to the Avatar of Duvan. Boccob sallied forth, and was instantly dropped to a single hit point, and also his genitals exploded.

Lore Note: Of the 12 Yemani, each of them possesses an Avatar. Essentially they cannot usually take mortal form, but this allows them to. It's also a big "oh holy fuck, we're fucked" moment for everyone and everything within the nearest 500 miles. It's never happened before. This one is damaged, rotting away, and dying. It really needed that statue to gain it's full power and give Duvan form upon this world.

The rest of the party escapes Death Frost Mountain, realizing that trying to fight a monster like that isn't really worth it, and so they all beat feet, rushing past Zeke as he's torn to pieces.

Now that we're safe, let us be unsafe

So they've unleashed a Zombie horde. So they're in a lot of trouble with the Church of Emir, the City Father Saspasia. What do?

Snort magic purple cocaine.

Vathek permanently becomes a turboracist, needing to save against magic or attack until killed other races. He takes another toot, and gains two days of invulnerability, so he decides his best course of action is to run back up Death Frost Mountain.

It's my fault, really. I told them the effects unless otherwise stated like injury or death are two days. They argued that fatigue is a form of harm. They explained that Vathek could get thousands of attacks off by then. And so, I gave up, because whatever.

Boccob took a snort. His hand healed! Masala took a snort. Actually, three. Nothing happened the first two times and on the third time his left arm rotted off.

The party put away the magic purple cocaine.

Tiglari seeks sanctuary

Tiglari found himself at the church of Emir in Vornheim. They were flipping the fuck out, understandably, as an evil satanic thing was visible from the mountain and slowly heading down.

Good work! As they started making plans on what to do, the City Father Saspasia burst from the wall, ostensibly to discuss tactics. The church's wards were useless! Two more city fathers arrived! The Church grew extremely nervous. While Saspasia tends to show herself off as a young girl, the other two were less pleasant to look at. One was an inky void inside a robe, nothing visible but large teeth, and the other was a man with hundreds of small plants and insects in his flesh, feeding from him. The relations between the church and the fathers took a massive nosedive.

Tome of Divine Power, aho!
"Fuck Vathek." said Rynn.
"Huh?" Asked the rest of the party, confused and annoyed.
"Let's go look into that tome we were told about." she added.
The party agreed.

They spent a day or two travelling down into Lockbard territory.

Unlike Barlo territory, which is full of starving people and misery(and thousands of undead), the Lockbards live in relative comfort away from the ravages of war. The party noted none of this and found the village where they were looking.

If you've read The God That Crawls, you know exactly what happened, and after the party was unceremoniously booted into the pit to die horribly, the DM called it for the night.